Ranma 1/2 By Rumiko Takahashi 
Oh My Goddess! By Kosuke Fujishima

By Steve Pardue 
Mail: steve@spardue.org 
Web: http://www.spardue.org/anime

Scream! Chapter 4 -- Scream by Divine Right!

"Urd? Urd!"

The pile of sheets on the bed shifted, revealing a shapely leg. The rest
of the bundle, however, remained well hidden. 

"Go 'way, Skuld." A seeking hand holding a pillow emerged from the
sheets, and tossed the pillow at the youngest of the three goddesses. 

Skuld dodged the pillow, and repeated her message in a much louder voice
than before. "You've got to get up! The office called!"

Urd's head surfaced and faced her sister. Black circles under each eye
and the rumpled appearance of her face was all the information that
Skuld needed to see that Urd had been drinking again. Of course, it
wasn't a difficult conclusion to come to, since Urd got drunk pretty
much every night.  Still, Skuld took great pleasure in rousting her
sister out of bed at the break of day.

"The office?" Urd rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand. "What do
they want with me? I'm on vacation."

"They didn't call you." Skuld's tone of voice gave Urd the distinct
impression that her youngest sister didn't expect them to be calling her
anytime soon. "They called Belldandy. There's going to be a system
audit!"

"So?"

"I -- I need your help."

Urd stared at the young goddess. "You're asking me for help? Why do you
care about another stupid audit?" Urd tried to concentrate her muddled
thoughts on what Skuld was trying to say.  "Did you mess up a software
patch again?"

Skuld's face turned a bright cherry red. "That was not my fault! No one
told me they changed the file format!" She pointed an accusing finger at
Urd. "But that's beside the point. I need your help -- they want
Belldandy to track down the source of a corrupted file, and I want to
find and fix it before she does."

Urd tucked her head back underneath her red silk sheets and fluffed her
pillows. "Sounds boring to me, kiddo. If you really want to help Bell
that much, just go ask her."

"I can't do that!"

"Well, why the he-- why not?" 

Skuld opened her mouth, shut it, and opened it again, before finally
snapping it shut.

"Ahhh. Now I see." Urd propped herself up on one arm, grinning like the
Cheshire cat. "You're afraid Bell is going to catch you with your hand
in the cookie jar. Give it up, sis. What did you do?"

Skuld blushed again, but this time she just stared at the floor. "It
wasn't a bad thing, Urd."

"I'm sure it wasn't."

"I was just trying to help her!"

"Sure, sure, I understand."

"I didn't think she'd mind!"

"Of course she wouldn't."

"How was I supposed to know she liked changing into a man?"

"She what? ...into a man?"

Skuld nodded furiously. "She's a real macho tomboy. Talks like a boy and
everything!" She leaned closer to Urd, speaking conspiratorially. "She
even has a... a girlfriend!"

"Well, why didn't you say so in the first place," Urd said as she threw
off her sheets and bounded to her feet bedside the bed and her startled
sister. She placed her hands on her hips and grinned maniacally down at
Skuld. "This sounds a job for the goddess of Luuuv!"

-*-

It was true, Urd supposed, that not every aspect of being a goddess was
wonderful. Sure you had amazing powers, and of course you got to set
your own hours, but then again, you were on call 24/7/365 for all
eternity. It was no wonder she was driven to drink But then again, every
now and then a situation like this came up that made it all worthwhile. 

To help someone find their true love,  no matter what form that love
took, was always an amazing experience. Urd lived for it; had made it
her life's work. Even if she really was the goddess of the Past, her
true avocation was as the goddess of love; red silk sheets, skimpy
bathing suits  and all. So once she had heard Skuld's story, there was
no chance that she would simply ignore her sister's plea and return to
sleep. She simply had to help this poor victim of Skuld's. 

Standing before her laboratory table, she considered the two questions
before her. First, she had to locate the girl, and then she had to find
a way to restore her male form. The first was a snap.  Digging her
keyboard out from under a pile of personal adds, she turned on her
terminal and composed a quick e-mail.

  To: oracle@cs.indiana.edu From: urd@yggdrasdil.hvn

  Oh Oracle most wise, how's it hanging?

  Could you do me a teensy, little favor? I need to know today's
  itinerary for a mortal by the name of Ranma Saotome (obj ref
  021AF45C:002444A1). More detail would be great, but just her location
  will do. Don't forget to give me the coordinates of any televisions as
  well.

  Urd

  P.S.: Sorry about the woodchuck and whipped cream thing at the
  last office party. Hope you're feeling better and the stitches are out.

Clicking the send button, she hooked a nearby stool with her foot and
pulled it closer. Sitting down on it she adjusted her skirt, and leaned
forward, resting her chin on her fist as she considered how to correct
Ranma's problem.

The real problem was that Ranma could not be allowed to know that a
goddess was around, much less fixing her curse. That would be bad,
because there was no way the system auditor would miss that. A covert
operation was what she needed, one where she could be in and out without
Ranma and her girlfriend suspecting anything. 

Deep in thought, it took a second for her to recognize the beep of her
terminal as it received a new e-mail. Casually, she eyed her screen, and
grinned when she saw who it was from.

  To: urd@yggdrasil.hvn From: oracle@cs.indiana.edu

  I shouldn't even talk to you, but I always did find you too
  irresistible for my own good. 

  I found a reference for a Ranma Saotome
  (021AF45C:002444A1). He'll be at 76F2EAA1:F23AED12 in 2 hours, along
  with Akane Tendo (021AF45C:0024438E).  They will be purchasing clothing,
  specifically, a black silk Chinese shirt with wooden toggles instead of
  buttons. There's a tv in the store.                
          
  I hope this helps.
     
  Orrie

  You owe the Oracle a night of karaoke when you get back up
  here.

          
Good old Orrie. Urd had known she could count on him. This was perfect.
A black silk shirt? She had just the thing.... 

On the table before her, Urd contemplated the sheer, silk, high-necked
dress she was sacrificing for the common good. It was black, or course,
with a dragon embroidered into the dress in gold thread. The dragon
started on the back and lay draped over the left shoulder of he dress,
it's large head falling across the chest. Now, all she had to do was
form it into a shirt appropriate for a man. 

On the floor of her workroom was engraved a circle of power, a complex
design of concentric circles. At five points around the circle was
placed a candle. Carefully, Urd positioned the dress in the center of
the engraving. At her mental command, all five candles burst into flame
and the ceiling lights turned off.

Focusing her mind, she summoned her will and began to cast her spell: 

	    Spirits, hear me and obey!

	    Shape this cloth into a form pleasing to behold;
            Ward it well against those who would harm its wearer.

	    Weave into it the the strength of the dragon which
            adorns it; And bind it to my bidding!

	    I, Urd, command thee!

Around the dress, a mist rose slowly from the floor, creeping up along
the invisible column of the circle in which the dress lay. At te
ceiling, the mist turned inward, plunging down the center of the column
and crashing against the dress. The fabric at the edge of the dress
began to flutter, as if it was caught in a strong breeze, and individual
threads of silk began to unravel, running across the surface of the
dress. As more and more mist filled the column, the dress faded from
view, until all that was left was a ghostly column in the middle of the
room, glowing with a pale light.

Urd's brow creased as the strength required to bind the spirits to her
command began to tax her.  Fingering her moonstone bracelet that
contained her energy reserves, she hurried to complete her spell.
Concentrating upon the column, he began to chant softly, the words
barely audible even to herself, as she formed the program she wanted to
bind the shirt.

An inch outside the column a complex series of occult equations and
diagrams appeared, looking as if they had been formed of polished jade.
The goddess continued to chant, and more and more words crawled around
he column, rotating to keep the point of insertion directly in front of
Urd's eyes. When she was done, the column was surrounded with the
mystical equation from floor to ceiling. With a sudden snap, the words
imploded into the column, where there appeared, for one brief instant,
the form of a pig-tailed boy. Then the column slowly sank into the
floor, with the mist billowing out as the column sank, leaving only five
puddles of rapidly cooling wax, and a black, silk, Chinese shirt.

Urd smiled, and took a sip of sake to recharge. One brief trip, and she
could go back to bed.

-*-

Urd struggled to pull her body through the cramped screen of an old
black and white tv. As the image on the screen drifted from static to
fuzzy, she finally managed to free herself. Falling unceremoniously to
the floor, she looked around quickly before heaving a sigh of relief
that no one had seen her undignified entrance. 

Brushing off her dress, the goddess stood and authoritatively slid back
the door to the room she was in. On the other side of the door was the
main room of a clothing store, which appeared empty except for an
occasional muffled word coming from across the room.

Walking towards the sounds, she came upon to girls standing by a sales
bin. After making sure that she was not visible to them, she paused to
observe her quarry.

The redhead rolled her eyes as her companion pulled a sweater out of the
pile in the bin. "Geez, Akane. How many of these are you going to look
at. Its too hot for this!"

"Oh, come on Ranma. Look at the prices! This sweater is only 1500 yen!"
Akane held the sweater out to Ranma. "Try it on!"

Ranma groaned as she reluctantly took the sweater and pulled it on over
her head. She felt Akane tugging at the hem of the sweater as she pulled
the neck over her head. Irritably, she twisted out of the other girl's
grip. "I can do it myself!"

Ignoring her companion's protests, Akane grabbed Ranma by the shoulders
and spun her around.  Pulling and tugging, she arranged the sweater over
the shorter girl's shoulders. The arms of the sweater hung inches below
the redhead's hands.

Ranma rolled the cuffs up as Akane tucked the bottom of the sweater up
around her waist.

"It's kind of big."

"Well, most people don't have to buy clothes for two different bodies."
Akane pulled another sweater from the pile and turned towards Ranma. "
Here, try this one."

"I don't want to try any more of these things! It's the middle of
summer. Why are we buying sweaters? Besides," Ranma cast a glare at
Akane, "I ain't got two bodies right now, do I?"

Ignoring Ranma's last comment, Akane rolled her eyes. "We're looking at
them because they're on sale!" 

"I ain't gonna put another one on, Akane." Ranma finished peeling off
the sweater she was wearing. Balling it up she tossed it into the sale
bin with the other discarded sweaters of Akane's earlier attempts.

Akane held another sweater up against Ranma's shoulders, trying to gauge
how it would fit, but Ranma jerked away. Akane sighed and considered the
sweater in her hand a second before putting it back as well. "Oh, well.
I'll get Kasumi and Nabiki to come back up here tomorrow." She narrowed
her eyes and stuck her tounge out at her companion. "They'll appreciate
a pre-winter sale!"

"Well, of course! They're girls. They like this sort of stuff." Ranma
flapped the neck of her red-silk shirt and tried to cool off.

As Akane casually browsed through the rack of clothes, Ranma stared at
her, trying to understand what it was that caused women to do things
like this. She might have the body of a woman, but shopping for
clothes...   she shuddered. Why they thought it was fun, she would never
understand.  All Ranma wanted to do was figure out why she had been
locked in her female form again. It seemed to happen too often to just
be coincidence.  She figured it must be some aspect of the curse, trying
to keep her this way. 

On the other hand, Ryouga, Shampoo, Mousse --  even her old man, for
that matter --  had never had their curses locked out of the blue like
this. Akane kept acting like it was no big deal; just wait a few days
and it'll fix itself. Ranma wasn't so sure, but she was interested in
checking out this temple. Who knew what old scroll or spirit could be
hidden away in there, after all these years. If she could only get Akane
to stop shopping and start walking!

Akane worked her way down the wall, further away from Ranma, who leaned
against the sales bin and watched until her fiancee had turned the
corner at the far wall and disappeared. Idly, Ranma thumbed through the
rack of dresses behind her, trying to kill time until Akane had sated
her shopping urges. The dresses were short, and Ranma couldn't help
imagining Akane in one of them.

Blushing at the thought, Ranma didn't see the exotic woman in front of
her, until she towered above her. Startled, Ranma tried to step back,
but before she could, the other woman reached down and cupped her chin,
turning her face left, then right, before tilting it up to stare into
Ranma's eyes..

"My, my, you have been thinking naughty thoughts, to make your face so
red." 

Ranma blushed more, and yanked her head away from the woman's grasp.
Before she could reply, the woman had pulled the dress out of her hands
and was holding it up and eying it critically. "It's nice," idly she
pulled a finger down the front of the dress as she eyed Ranma. "But
don't you think something a little more daring would be nicer?"

Ranma snatched the dress back. "No way! She'd clobber me if I picked out
something like that.  Who are you anyway?"

"My name is Urd." Urd paused to strike a suitably impressive pose,
giving Ranma another reason to blush, "And I am here to help you."

"So... you work here?"

"You -- could say that. May I make a suggestion?"

"Well," Ranma eyed Urd suspiciously. "I guess so." 

Urd reached into a rack and pulled out a Chinese shirt similar to the
ones Ranma usually wore, except that it seemed to be more - real. Imbued
with some sort of life of it's own. "Perhaps, something like this?"

Ranma held the shirt closely, examining it. "This might be ok!"

"I think it would suit you well."

Ranma ran the cloth between her fingers critically, and spent several
long seconds examining the dragon design. Peeking inside the neck, she
looked for a price tag. "How much is it," she asked suspiciously.

"For you, today, it's at a very special price." Urd smiled. This was
like taking candy from a baby.  With a little luck she'd have it wrapped
up in a few minutes, and no one would be the wiser. Ranma and Akane were
such a cute couple. And now, with the help of a few of the extras she'd
included in her spell, maybe Ranma would work up the guts to advance
their relationship a little bit.

-*-

Ranma walked towards the back of he store, where Akane was, near the
dressing rooms. As she went, she smiled at the shirt she was holding.
The woman had been right   It was perfect. 

Nearing Akane, she saw the other girl holding up blouses in front of a
mirror. Smiling Ranma walked up behind her and held up the shirt. "Check
out what I found!"

Akane turned and smiled at Ranma. "Ahh, the shopping bug seems to have
claimed another victim."

"Nah. The sales lady helped me with it."

Akane examined the shirt. "You should try it on. I bet it'll look great
on you."

Ranma gave a short laugh and placed her hand on the back of her head.
"Well, actually, I was thinking that it might look better on you."

"Me?"

"Well, yeah. They're really comfortable, and they give you a good range
of movement in a fight."

"Only you would think about that when buying clothes," snorted Akane.

"Hey! Ryouga, Mousse, Ukyo and Shampoo all do too."

"I think that Shampoo chooses her clothes with something other than
fighting in mind."

Ranma pushed the shirt towards Akane. "Here. Just try it on."

Akane smiled and took the shirt. "Ok, ok." She walked into an open booth
and shut the door.  Faintly Ranma could hear her giggle.

"What's so funny?"

There was silence for a second before Akane responded. Ranma could hear
her moving around.  "Nothing, nothing." Another pause before she
continued. "Thanks Ranma. It just, well, you know...that you..."

Ranma grinned. He knew. It was just hard for them to say some things. 

More bumping noises came from the booth, and then.... Akane screamed.
Except that, it wasn't Akane who screamed it was a man! Ranma's kick
slammed the dressing booth's door open, and he found himself facing --
himself.